Legs 11

Over the last four days I’ve noticed some muscle weakness in my right leg. I tried to ignore it and hoped it was my imagination, but when I felt unsteady on the stairs this morning I had to face up to it.  When I first found out I had multiple sclerosis, one of my greatest fears was losing the use of my legs. This may sound odd but my legs have always given me self confidence- if you’ve ever partied with me you know I love nothing more than dancing in high heels and short skirts!! Now I’m more at peace with the idea that I might not alway have the use of my legs, but I am determined to do what I can to stay active and strong as long as possible.

On the plus side, this is an old symptom coming back rather than a new relapse. I have a bit of a sore throat (hopefully not covid round 2, as I’m pretty sure I had it back in March) and I know often viral infections can trigger old MS symptoms to reoccur. Whilst I’m normally good with prioritising my health, the last few weeks have been intense. I’ve been working 16 hour days and struggling with finding time to run, with juggling working from home and spending time with my family and our twins who are at home whilst their nursery summer school is closed due to covid-19. I normally aim to get 8 hours sleep a night but the last couple of weeks it’s been more like 6 hours if I’m lucky!

Anyway, this morning I was desperate to run. I had the “use it or lose it” mantra in my head, and I needed to check that my legs would still let me run! As I was running I was reflecting on my priorities and reminding myself the importance of making time for sleep and exercise. Running has been so good for my physical health, and my mental health too. I think my legs might even feel stronger now I sit here after my post-run shower! That might be in my head, but it’s certainly given me a mental boost! I’m now wondering is there anything else I can do to help with muscle weakness?

3 things I've learnt from the Marathon (so far!)

dreamy running scenery!🐑

I can do anything, and so can you J

Until last August, I had never ran more than 10km. One Friday night, Nick said to me “do you fancy doing a half marathon next week?” I said “no way! I couldn’t do that!” You see, for my whole life I’ve thought as myself as not at all sporty. I was pretty useless in P.E. at school, can barely hit a tennis ball, and my family still mock me for how many years it took me to ride a bike! However Nick persuaded me to give the half marathon a go, and the following Wednesday I ran the furthest I’d ever ran: my first half marathon. That night I was exhausted but also on top of the world! I had done something I never felt I could achieve. That same evening, it was me who suggested to Nick that we apply for the London Marathon. Having thought I couldn’t run a half marathon a few days before, suddenly I believed I could do anything.

‘Training’ is more motivating than exercise

The last few months of training for the London Marathon have been a brilliant experience. I have got more in touch with my physical strength, and love to notice myself getting fitter and healthier. One thing I have found is that “training” for a considerable challenge is vastly more engaging and enjoyable than “exercise” – which for me normally involved a bit of treadmill in the gym, with no real goal other than maybe to lose a pound or two. For anyone struggling to make time for exercise, I would really recommend switching to training instead!

Happy running

I feel physically stronger, but the real eye-opener is the difference that running makes to my mental wellness. I mostly run outside and try to be mindful of the scenery and the fresh air in my lungs. Sometimes I start running and my mind is so busy with anxiety and going over my mental to-do list. After a while, I try to focus on how my body is feeling and the people and environment as I run past. I noticed it’s typically about 6km before I let go of all my distracting thoughts and anxiety and focus on the run (good job I’ve been doing long runs!) On the days I’ve been running I notice that even when the run is over, I have more energy and a greater sense of positivity too J

Silver Lining

You've heard the expression "every cloud has a silver lining" ...right?

Well, MS has certainly felt like a serious cloud at times over the last few years. At times it has been a small cloud on an otherwise blue and sunny day, and at other times it has seemed like an ominous black storm cloud threatening to explode at any moment. The worst times have been when the sky appeared unpredictable- leaving me questioning and trying not to fear the worst.

Today whilst running after work and gazing at the sprawling purple sunset, I speculated that I have finally found the 'silver lining' of the MS cloud that abruptly appeared in my life a few years ago. Last week, Nick and I completed our first ever half marathon. I was brimming with an overwhelming sense of achievement; given that no one has ever described me as 'sporty' (far from it!) and I have never before won a medal for any sporting achievement. But the best bit about the achievement was that 10 years ago, I would NEVER have done it! I would never even have considered it, nor would I have ever believed I could do it.

Experiencing MS symptoms was my wake up call to treating my body better, and taking my health more seriously. Although I may have not looked unhealthy before, I barely exercised, ate a pretty poor diet, and always prioritised partying over sleep ;) Today, I eat a plant-based vegan gluten-free diet (a vegan version of the Overcoming MS approach), I meditate, I exercise and run regularly, and most importantly I try to be thankful every single day. There is nothing like a chilling MRI result to spur you into living your live to the absolute fullest and appreciating every second! Overall I am happier, healthier and stronger than I ever was before I had my first MS symptom, and that is a brilliantly shiny silver lining :)

My next step is to put my mental and physical energy to good use; tonight I submitted my application to the London Marathon (something I really never believed I would or could do before!) -  my goal is to continue improving my fitness whilst raising money to help others with MS at the same time! x

Lucy - Follow my journey on @recoverbynature

Injections one year on...

When I see people I haven’t seen for a while they often ask “how’s your health?” which is so kind- and I am so glad that I can honestly answer “I’m really well, thanks!” Saying that, it’s been quite a journey since I last wrote. So here is an update…

In my last post, I spoke about my MS diagnosis in July 2017. I was really taken aback by the diagnosis, as I had been feeling so well, and in particular I felt like I had really dodged the bullet of a relapse after pregnancy (which can be common). When my neurologist gave me the diagnosis, he advised that I should start medication. I was hesitant. I felt so well, and believed that my diet and lifestyle had enabled me to feel healthy and in control of my symptoms, and also the potential side effects of the various medications were quite scary to me.

But just two months after my last post I was experiencing what would become the first of three relapses within six months. The first was a strange off-balance sensation of drunkenness, the second was a deadness in my leg, and the third and most scary was double vision (reminiscent of my first ever symptoms, but in the other eye). I resisted the medication route as much as I could, but by the time my vision went double I was begging the nursing team for an appointment to begin injecting myself with Copaxone. I thought about writing down my thoughts at the time, but honestly I was feeling so scared about the frequent symptoms, and also feeling like a failure in the sense that I had not been able to overcome this disease with diet and lifestyle alone.

Today marks almost a year since I’ve been taking Copaxone (and its generic form Brabio), injecting myself three times weekly. You may know about my needle phobia (not even got my ears pierced and a frequent fainter at the sight of a needle) so that was quite a hurdle to overcome! Nick has been an incredible help in injecting me in harder-to-reach spots, and also making a joke about it all J I’ve not given up on my diet- in fact my neurologist even advised that I continue with it as he also believed that it was helping to manage symptoms.

Mostly I have been totally well since March 2018, with the odd strange feeling here and there. Recently I have had a couple of winter colds, which has coincided with some old symptoms flaring up again. The worst thing about the injections (apart from the injecting itself!) is the bruising all over my arms, legs and bottom. The extent of the bruising has made me consider changing my medication, as it is getting difficult to find a clear spot for a new injection. I still find the medication options such an overwhelming situation to be in. The nature of MS is so unknown. Mostly I am totally well and you would never know to look at me what might be going on within my nervous system. But at the same time, there is a chance that this disease can spark so much (potentially life-changing) damage, if I am able to avoid that wouldn’t I want to? I find it almost impossible to make sense of it and to weigh up the known risks of medication against the fairly unknown future symptoms.

For now, what I wrote before about being grateful still stands. The whole experience has made me much more focused about the life I want to lead and a greater sense of urgency around the impact I want to have on this world. Every night Nick, our daughters and I say “thank you prayers” listing various things we are grateful for that day. This is one of my favourite parts of the day (especially when the girls are thankful for eating chocolate cake!) and reminds me that there is just so much for which to be grateful J

Two things I am grateful for (most of the time!)

I've got MS. And I am grateful!

On Wednesday this week, I found out that I have MS (multiple sclerosis). It was quite a shock, staring at my brain scan showing multiple spots of inflammation and scar tissue, given I have been feeling well. You may know that I have been following a strict diet (including no gluten, dairy and meat, no caffeine and *almost* no alcohol) for three years, since I first had swelling in my brain that triggered double vision. I had hoped that my new diet and lifestyle (featuring more meditation and fewer hangovers) would be enough to keep me healthy, so I was gutted to hear the neurologist confirm MS. But when the initial shock subsided, I reminded myself that I am totally fine. More than that; this whole experience has been a blessing.

There may be no cure to MS, but it certainly isn’t a death sentence. When I consider the variety of atrocities going on in the world, I am incredibly fortunate. I am grateful for this whole experience because it has been a wake-up call for me. Pre-2014, I casually lived my life as if it would last forever. I burned the candle at both ends, drank and ate whatever fitted around my busy life (mainly, peas, cheese, and wine!) and occasionally visited the gym if I was going to be in a bikini any time soon. But seeing your brain in black and white on a computer screen, with the unwelcome addition of scattered scar-tissue does wonders for reminding you of your mortality. The last few years have taken me on a roller-coaster through emotional highs and lows, and have taught me the vital links between mind, body, health and happiness. I’ve learned to truly appreciate my physical and mental health, and invest in their longevity through diet, mindfulness and exercise. So, I won’t let this diagnosis hold me back; on the contrary, I am embracing it for making me sit up and take control of my life.

So please don’t feel sad for me, and please don’t wait for your own wake-up call either! My advice is don’t take your life for granted, and don’t wait until it’s too late. Invest in your body and mind (sleep more, exercise more, eat better, take up meditation, reflect on your purpose and do things each day that make you and others happy…) so that you can be happy and spread happiness for longer 😊

Happy 2017: How to be happier

Happiness is a topic close to my heart; I’m certain that happiness levels are intrinsically linked to health levels, and let’s face it, who doesn’t want to feel happy?! As 2017 draws close with its connotations of new starts, I thought I’d share with you the three things that have made the biggest difference to my happiness.  

Being thankful every day

Over the last few months, I’ve started a great new habit. Last thing every night, I take time to reflect on everything I’m grateful for that day. No matter how challenging my day has been and how tired I am, I thank God for all my blessings. In fact I’ve found it’s even more beneficial at the end of a tough day! I list my daughters, Nick, and my family and friends by name each night, thinking of each of them as I do, and that alone can really transform how I’m feeling. I’m thankful for my health, house, job, and that we’re lucky enough to live in a relatively safe country. I recall moments from my day (a lovely walk in the countryside with Nick and our girls, a fun lunch with friends) and positive things that have happened to others (that a family member’s operation went well or that a friend is pregnant). I’m loving this new habit because it means I go to sleep with a smile on my face (which also means I sleep better) and I’m more likely to wake up in a positive frame of mind too.

Being thoughtful about media consumption

Like many people, I was in the habit of consuming media in a fairly mindless way: listening to, reading or watching whatever happened to be on my newsfeed or TV. Recently I’ve tried to be more thoughtful about the various screens in front of me, because I found it affected my mood (and productivity). I was spending too much time unintentionally half-watching TV or aimlessly scrolling through social media. These habits are hard to break but I helped myself by deleting apps, and changed my settings on social media so that videos don’t play automatically and I have to actually think to myself ‘do I want to spend time watching this?’ I now only watch TV shows that make me smile or laugh. (You may know that I’ve never been able to handle anything scary, but you wouldn’t believe how much better my TV/film experience is without all the gratuitous violence and depressing storylines!) I hardly ever watch the news anymore, because I decided there is no benefit to anyone of me watching news programmes that are so regularly focused on negativity and shock-value stories. I read the news because I want to stay informed, but only via publications that are more centred on the issues than shock tactics and doom and gloom. When there is a tragic news story I ask myself if I can do something to help, such as make a donation, but I don’t spend hours dwelling on the issue because most of the time me doing that won’t help anyone. I hope that doesn’t sound heartless; I’m not trying to bury my head in the sand or pretend tragedies are not occurring around the world but I’d rather be informed and do something about it, then spend hours just consuming the news reports. I feel the strong focus on the negative gives a warped perception, which is enough to make you despair about the state of the world and lose focus on all the good things.

Spending time helping others

I think this is the one that makes the biggest difference to my happiness. When I spend time helping others, I feel good about myself knowing that I’ve done something unselfishly to make someone else’s life better. I’ve read that there is a second reason why helping others improves our own happiness: helping people less fortunate changes our perspective of how fortunate we are. Most people’s assessment of their own situation is based on a comparison to those around them, and for most of us our circles of comparison are frighteningly small. If I find myself wishing I had a better house/holiday plans/whatever (which makes me miserable) then the chances are I am comparing my situation to friends, neighbours and colleagues in a similar situation to my own. If I look more broadly and consider the whole country, and even the world, I am reminded that compared to most, we're incredibly fortunate in terms of standard of living. Spending time helping others helps to broaden my perspective and reminds me that I am in fact already much more fortunate than many others. Therefore in doing so, I’m making myself happier, and making others happier too. So my resolution for 2017 is to increase my time spent helping others – here’s to spreading some happiness!

Thank you for reading; I’d love to hear what you think and if you have any happiness tips to share! Happy 2017! x

 These two are enough to put a smile on anyone's face!

Recipe - Aubergine Lasagne (dairy free, vegan and gluten free)

I’ve been surprised how many new parents I’ve met recently whose babies have a reaction to cows' milk with all sorts of scary symptoms including bleeding intestines, rashes and problems sleeping. Traditionally, in the UK at least, people have associated dairy with a healthy baby diet (and adult diet) so it can be overwhelming to imagine how to eat well without it. Anyway, having been dairy free for over two years now (and previously a total cheese addict) I am certain that a healthy and tasty life without dairy is very possible! Hearing about all these babies with their issues with dairy has also made me more confident that dairy isn’t the healthy food that we were brought up to believe. I feel loads better and have been MS symptom free since changing my diet to exclude dairy amongst other things. I’m not feeding my babies dairy and have discussed this with various doctors and dietitians now, all of whom have confirmed that there is no concern with a baby not eating dairy, as long as they are getting enough calcium from other sources (which is totally possible).

Anyway this recipe is for all those new mums and dads I’ve met who have recently found themselves living with a dairy-free baby and wondering what they can eat! This lasagne is delicious, filling and comforting, and totally free from dairy (and egg and gluten too). Hope you enjoy it!

Ingredients (enough for 6 portions- can be reheated in the microwave the next day!)

• 3 aubergines
• 3 onions, chopped
• 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped
• 3 tins of plum tomatoes
• ¼ teaspoon dried chilli
• 2 teaspoons dried basil
• 2 teaspoons dried oregano
• 3 tablespoons coconut oil
• 2 tablespoons gluten free flour
• ¾ carton oat milk (or almond milk)
• ½ teaspoon nutmeg
• 10-12 gluten free lasagne sheets
• Olive oil for frying

Method

1. Pre-heat the oven to 180C. Wash and chop the aubergines into circular slices about ½ cm thick. Sprinkle a little salt over them and layer between sheets of kitchen paper for about 10 minutes to remove the moisture.
2. Gently fry the aubergine circles in olive oil for a couple of minutes on each side. They should get a little colour, but there is no need to fully cook them. Remove from the pan and put to one side.
3. Using the same pan, gently fry the chopped onions, stirring regularly. After a few minutes add the chopped garlic and dried chilli and continue to fry until the onions are soft.
4. Add the three tins of tomatoes into the onion mix with another tin-full of tap water. Break up the tomatoes with a wooden spoon as you stir it all in. Add the basil, oregano and salt and pepper to taste too. Once the mixture is boiling, reduce the temperature and leave to simmer for 15 minutes. 
5. While the tomato sauce is simmering, start on the white sauce. Melt the coconut oil in a saucepan over a low heat. Once melted, stir in the flour. Once stirred in, slowly add the milk, stirring continuously. The sauce should thicken quickly, and you’ll be able to add more milk as it thickens.  Add the nutmeg, and salt and pepper to taste. Keep stirring for about 10 minutes in total, adding milk so that your sauce is the consistency of runny honey.
6. Now it’s time to put the lasagne together. You should have enough sauces for two of each layer. First spoon a layer of tomato across the bottom of the dish, using half of your mixture. Next layer the aubergine circles on top. Next use the lasagne sheets to cover the aubergine, then finally cover the lasagne sheets with half of the white sauce. Then repeat with tomato, aubergine, pasta and white sauce.
7. Pop the whole thing in the oven at 180C for an hour. You can also pop it in the fridge and cook the next day if you prefer J

Recipe – Gorgeous Green Gnocchi

Here’s a recipe I’ve just made in 10 minutes in celebration of the fact that I managed to get my twins to sleep at a decent time! I used a dairy and gluten free ready-made sun-dried tomato pesto because I wasn’t confident they would stay sleeping for long (!) so it would be even yummier with home-made pesto.

Ingredients

• 1 onion
• 2 courgettes
• 2 peppers
• A couple of handful of small/medium sized tomatoes (I used multicoloured ones because they are in season right now)
• A couple of handfuls of frozen peas
• A few handfuls of spinach
• Dried basil
• Salt and pepper
• 3 or 4 teaspoons of pesto (ready-made or home-made)
• Ready to cook gnocchi (I use this gluten free one)

Method

1. Chop and sauté the onion in some coconut oil (or olive oil if you keep the temperature quite low to avoid denaturing the oil).
2. Chop the courgettes and peppers and add to the pan with the onions. Next chop and add the tomatoes, with the dried basil, salt and pepper. I try to chop all the veg roughly the same size as a piece of gnocchi.
3. Stir the pan and let the veg soften; this should take less than five minutes. Meanwhile boil a kettle of water for the gnocchi.
4. Gnocchi only takes about two minutes to cook (you can tell it’s ready when they rise to the surface). Add the frozen peas to the pan of veg at the same time as you put the gnocchi into the boiling water (there is nothing worse than overcooked peas!)
5. Just before you drain the gnocchi, add the spinach to the pan of veg along with the pesto sauce.
6. Drain the gnocchi and add to the pan of veg. And serve!

PS if you have an extra 5 minutes to make some home-made pesto, you just need to chuck a small handful of pine nuts, a big handful of basil, big handful of spinach, a few brazil nuts and a large glug olive oil into a food processor and wizz up. Sun-dried tomatoes optional!

A pregnant pause!

It’s been ages since my last blog post, but I have a good excuse… shortly after my last post I found out I was pregnant expecting twins and now my life is very full on looking after my two little cuties! Many people asked me if I was able to stick to my diet during pregnancy so I thought it was about time I wrote a blog post J

MS studies have shown that women often suffer from MS relapses shortly after birth, thought to be a result of the changing hormones, and being aware of this, I was determined to do everything I could to ward off a pregnancy-related relapse.

To begin with I had pretty horrific morning sickness and very little energy (normal twin pregnancy stuff I think, rather than MS-related!) I continued with my diet, tweaking some aspects to make it pregnancy/baby-appropriate and lower maintenance - as I don’t have much time to cook anymore!

These are my current diet “rules” (not that different from my original set of rules).

Avoidance of foods that potentially cause or worsen MS:

I’m still strictly avoiding:

• Gluten
• Dairy
• Alcohol
• Caffeine
• Animal fats
• Red meat (I ate some chicken during my pregnancy mainly due to peer pressure from my mum(!) but am meat-free again now)

I relaxed my avoidance of legumes so I could get some vegetable-based protein from beans and pulses- and this doesn’t seem to have affected my MS symptoms.

Abundance of foods that promote healing of the body or have natural anti-inflammatory properties:

I’ve continued to eat or drink quite a lot of these to help my body repair itself:

• Loads of veggies of all colours
• Avocado
• Turmeric
• Fish (especially oily fish)
• Coconut oil
• Olive oil
• Nuts (but not peanuts)
• Water and lemon water

I'm still taking Flaxseed for Omega 3 and Vitamin D (I've lowered my dose too 1000IU during pregnancy on advice of my neurologist).

During my pregnancy, and in the months since with two little babies, I’ve found I need all the energy I can get! I’ve been eating loads of gluten free oats in all different forms- porridge, oat cereal, flapjack, and oat milk.

For anyone trying to follow this sort of diet and needing some “low maintenance” tips, here are a couple of new staples that require (almost) zero preparation that I’ve found useful to have in the fridge!

  

• A gluten free oat cereal 
• Gluten and dairy free oat flapjacks 
• The “Easy Bean” range of pre-cooked plant-based meals (like a ready meal but without the bad fats, preservatives etc therefore much healthier) 
• Pre-cooked rice you can microwave
• Pre-cooked quinoa you can microwave
• Pre-chopped veggies if I'm really short of time!
• Hummus
• For a treat, chocolate oat milk 

My twins are four months old now, and since most pregnancy-related MS relapses occur within the first three months, I think I have managed to avoid it! J I definitely think my diet has played a big part in this, as has my continued reliance on yoga and meditation to keep a positive frame of mind (more on that another day maybe J)

Recipe - Spaghetti Caulinese

I’ve just got back from a week in Southern Italy and I love a portmanteau so here’s a quick and easy recipe for an alternative spaghetti bolognese… Cauliflower Bolognese, aka Caulinese, replacing mince with finely chopped cauli. This was an experiment, but the result was surprisingly great so I thought I’d share the recipe. Even meat-loving Nick thought it was pretty tasty!

Ingredients

• One head of cauliflower (chop the florets finely in a food processor, leaving out the leaves, or if you are feeling lazy but it pre-chopped from Tesco)
• One large white onion, chopped finely
• A couple of cloves of garlic, chopped finely
• A handful of chestnut mushrooms, chopped roughly
• A tin of tomatoes
• Herbs and seasoning to taste (I used basil, oregano, salt and pepper)
• Pasta of your choice (I like Dove’s Farm gluten free organic brown rice pasta)

The sauce should take about 10 -15 minutes to make so depending on the type of pasta you use, it should be easy to coordinate it to all be ready at the same time!

Method

1. First get a saucepan onto boil for the pasta.
2. Sauté the chopped onion and garlic in oil (I used extra virgin olive oil at a fairly low heat).
3. After a few minutes, add the chopped mushrooms, stirring now and again. Add salt and pepper as the mushrooms are cooking.
4. Put the pasta onto boil.
5. When the mushrooms are almost cooked, spoon in all the cauliflower mince. You may need to turn the heat up a little now; cook the cauli for about three minutes, stirring continuously so it doesn’t burn. Don't cook for too long or the cauli will loose its bite.
6. Next add the tin of tomatoes into the pan with the herbs and stir.
7. Leave the sauce simmering for about four to five minutes and then it’s ready to serve!

 PS we are still kitchen-less in our new house so this is simple enough to cook in the camping-style kitchen that we've set up in a spare bedroom!

Budget airlines and numb fingers

A couple of days ago, a series of events left me feeling stressed and anxious. By the time I arrived at the airport after a tricky afternoon and a delayed, turbulent flight, I had already noticed that the pad of my third finger on my left hand was numb. As I was waiting for my luggage, my right arm was experiencing deadness in sporadic pangs from my shoulder down to my wrist. As I drove along, appreciating the golden-lit wheat fields, the sole of my right foot suddenly twisted in extreme cramp. I panicked. I was driving on a pretty busy road and there was nowhere to pull over. I could feel the adrenaline pumping round my body as thoughts raced through my head. I told myself to carry on- to ignore the unusual sensation and recognise that my foot was still working on the accelerator, so if I could disregard the physical feeling and dampen the whirring adrenaline, my ability to drive wasn’t actually impeded.

I don’t know if this was a flare of multiple sclerosis or something else. But I have noticed a definite link with these physical twinges and feelings of stress and anxiety. Mindfulness helps with anxiety- as the plane rattled with turbulence, I found myself breathing deep into my stomach; and as my arm panged with numbness I breathed into the pain. Breathing exercises can help to reduce pain, and still anxiety so that calmness returns more quickly.

I love mindfulness, but I’ve let myself start thinking of it as something to ease the symptoms, not the cause, of stress and anxiety. When I talk to other people about their use of meditation, yoga and exercise as their preferred method of managing stress, I don’t think I’m alone in this. To truly be happy and balanced, I think you need to address the cause of anxiety. This means going one step further with mindfulness. When I lie in bed trying to sleep, mindful techniques allow me to notice that my jaw is locked tightly together. The awareness helps to relax the muscle, so I don’t wake up with a headache and ground-down teeth. But I am starting to think that the critical step is to recognise why it’s happening in the first place. What subconscious thought is going through my mind which makes me clench my jaw? Once I can identify the cause of the anxiety, hopefully I can do something about it! In that sense, I suppose I should be grateful for the physical symptoms I’m getting – because they are like a very visible warning bell to me – “you’re feeling stressed and it’s creating an unhelpful mix of emotions in your body which is disrupting your physical health”. Without the physical symptoms, perhaps I might be less likely to pay attention to the underlying cause. Either way, whether you experience the physical “warning bell” symptoms or not, feelings of stress and anxiety affect all of us. And I think it’s worth investing time diagnosing the cause and not just the symptoms, in order to reduce anxiety in the longer term. What do you think?

Here's a pic of a 'happy place' we found in the French mountains recently- certainly nothing to cause stress on that afternoon!

Healthy habits

March 2015 marks a year since my vision suddenly turned double in one eye, and this whole saga began. It also marks seven months of my new lifestyle, which has now become my new normal. Whenever I tell people for the first time about my diet (often some poor person responsible for an event’s dietary requirements) the response I hear most often is “what can you eat?!” However, I can honestly say it’s become totally normal to me now, and doesn’t feel like an effort at all. If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be living my life free from gluten, dairy, caffeine and booze – and not even finding it a chore- I would have laughed into my large glass of Sauvignon and plate of cheesy nachos!

So I’ve been reflecting on how I made such a big change. Human beings are capable of change, it’s one of the brilliant things about human nature. However, whilst making a temporary change is relatively easy, sustainable change is much harder. I know this because much of my working life has been about helping people (children when I was teaching, then adults in my work as a consultant) learn and develop by forming new habits. If you want to make a sustained change in your life, you need to pick up new habits that reinforce the change you want to make, and let go of negative habits that are obstacles to the change you want to make. We can help ourselves to do this by making it easier for ourselves to keep going with the new habits, and removing the temptation for old habits. For example, if you’re trying to form a new habit of going to the gym every morning, apparently the easiest way to do this is to sleep in your gym clothes for the first month! This makes it harder for you to turn off the alarm and skip the gym (can’t say I’ve tried this one myselfJ)

Here’s three of my new habits that have made a huge difference to my life:

Breakfast

• Old routine – I used to grab breakfast on the run to the office, and typically it consisted of a large latte and a croissant, or porridge and honey if I was trying to be healthy!
• New routine – Now I always make time to eat breakfast at home, even if I’m up at 5am for an early start in London. I have warm water with lemon (which kick starts the digestive system), followed by Barleylife supplement drink (good for creating an alkaline environment in which disease cannot thrive), followed by either a smoothie or gluten-free toast, marmite and banana. Plus a big glass of water with my various supplements. Doing this means I start the day in a structured manner and on a full stomach, setting me up for a positive day. I also feel pleased with myself that I’ve started the day on a healthy note, and saved the £5 I would otherwise have spent in Pret!

Commuting

• Old routine – I used to live in London on the Victoria line and only had a few stops to my office but it was hellish because the tubes were so crowded. I would attempt to read the Metro whilst crammed up against strangers, and would typically arrive at work feeling grumpier and less energised than when I left home.
• New routine – Now I live in the Essex countryside I have a far longer commute but I spend at least some of it meditating. I time my trains and position on the platform so I get a seat, shut my eyes and do a breathing exercise or body scan exercise. It’s a great use of commuting time, takes my attention away from the crowding and constant announcements of delays (which are well beyond my control so not worth me worrying about) and it means I arrive at work feeling refreshed and energised.

Saturday nights

• Old routine – I used to make the most of London nightlife, and drink / dance the night away. Whereas the rest of the country might spend weekends like this in their 20s, there is something about London which means it’s totally normal for people to being living this way well into their 30s. I loved the social side of it, but hated the hangovers!

• New routine – Now I spend my Saturday nights mostly at home, at the moment occupied by DIY / renovation activities! If I do go on a night out, I’ll be drinking water out of a wine glass (there is something psychologically nicer about that then a pint glass!) and nothing could ever stop me dancing! Giving up booze has been one of the toughest changes for me; not for the alcohol itself but more for the social connotations and handling the way I feel in response to the assumptions people tend to make about someone who doesn’t drink (maybe I’ll write more on that another time). On the positive side, not drinking takes away the temptation to ‘treat’ problems or bad days with booze – it’s taught me to address the problem instead. I definitely feel significantly healthier for a life without drink, and I’m grateful for a good 15 years spent partying hard! Seven months without a hangover is a wonderful feeling J

The next habit I need to try and form is exercise – I feel so much better when I’ve been for a run, but it’s one habit I’ve found hard to make stick! xxx

Wishing you a mindful Christmas!

Weeks are flying past me at the moment as we try to get our new house habitable in any spare time around work. I'm feeling guilty for not having written for so long! I promised to tell you a bit about mindfulness, and actually I think it’s pretty appropriate at such a busy time, because the times in your life when you have no time or focus for mediation are actually the times when it can help you the most. So it seems appropriate to write about it as everyone is rushing around getting ready for Christmas, family visiting or whatever you might be celebrating at this time of year :)

Before this summer I’d heard about mindfulness through my work in leadership development; for some it’s a buzzword for helping people to handle the stress and strains of complex jobs. Whilst some people might write it off as a fad or something for hippies, there is a growing bank of evidence that being mindful improves mental well-being. It’s even used to treat depression and a recent study showed it to be as effective as medication.

So what is it? There are billions of definitions for mindfulness. This is one of my favourites (by James Baraz):

“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding onto it when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”

I've recently finished an eight week course (with the London Mindfulness Project who I’d definitely recommended).  The course was a mixture of theory and practice, with ‘homework’ involving practising different types of mediation and bringing mindfulness into our everyday lives, eating, commuting and communicating. I thought I’d share with you three benefits I've felt. If you are interested perhaps you’ll do a mindfulness course too!

Recognising thinking patterns

One of the most interesting things we did together was becoming aware of our thinking patterns. Rather than just letting ourselves think about random stuff as we go about our day, we started to be aware of what those thoughts were and labelling them to ourselves. “Now I am worrying about the future (everything I need to do at work); now I am blaming myself for something in the past (I wish I hadn't said that); now I am getting stressed about things I can’t change (my train is late again and there are so many people at this station).” Becoming aware of my thinking made me realise two things- firstly I think about a lot of random stuff! And secondly, I have a pattern of thinking about possible disaster scenarios that will probably never happen ("what if all those cars fall off the back of that lorry?") Mindfulness is great because it teaches you to be kind to yourself when you’re recognising all of this, so it’s not a matter of a voice in your head telling you how stupid you are for thinking like this. Instead, it’s a comfort to be able to tell yourself “it’s ok, it’s just me thinking about random disasters that aren't actually going to happen again!” Since being aware of it, I've found I can be much more focused with my thoughts and therefore more efficient in my thinking. It’s also a very calming experience to allow yourself not to over-worry about the past or the future.

Appreciating right now

Another aspect of mindfulness is its focus on this moment, right now. I hadn't appreciated just how much time I spend thinking about the past and the future, whilst just living on ‘auto pilot’ and not appreciating the present moment. One of the loveliest things we did on the mindfulness course was walking through Regent’s Park in London, just spending time in the present moment. I lived in London nine years and I've been to the park many times but I've never experienced it like I did that day! This will probably sound very hippyish to those of you who aren't mindfulness converts, but I was amazed how much I enjoyed spending a couple of hours just walking around the park, taking in the plants, the trees, watching the squirrels, listening to the sounds and noticing the smell of the air. I didn't think about what I needed to do later, or think about the past; I just lived in the present moment. It was such a calming and pleasant experience. I can really see how doing this can help improve mental well-being because there is so much to appreciate and enjoy in the present moment. Although doing it for two hours is a bit unrealistic in everyday life, this is something you can easily do for five or ten minutes as you walk anywhere (it doesn't have to be a beautiful park!)

SOS breathing exercises

Many people who do mindfulness do so to help them with mental or physical health problems (although it really does have benefits for everyone). I learnt many breathing exercises and mediation exercises but one of the simplest was a three minute “SOS” breathing exercise. This one is for use when you’re suffering from physical pain, or when you feel yourself getting stressed, or even to prepare yourself for a challenging situation (like a tough meeting at work). The exercise can be done anywhere; I've done it many times on an over-packed tube train! It is in three parts. Firstly, be aware of how your body is “grounded” – e.g. your feet grounded to the floor, or your back and legs against a bed if you’re lying down. Notice how your body feels right now; is it tense, relaxed, energised? You don't need to try and change it, just be aware of how it is. Secondly, bring your attention to your breath as it enters your nose. Just notice how it goes in and out; be aware of the temperature of the air, how it feels, how it sounds. Focusing on your breath really gets you thinking about this moment right now. Thirdly, imagine that each breath you take is filling your whole body to the tips of your toes and fingers. It’s amazing how relaxing this feels - especially if you've tired your mind out by worrying about something endlessly. The whole thing should only take a few minutes, but can take longer if you like. No one even needs to know you're doing it. Apparently doing an exercise like this actually activates the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, which reverses the effect of the sympathetic nervous system (our fight or flight response that makes us feel anxious).

I hope that's got you thinking about the benefits of letting your mind take regular breaks (however short!) at this busy time of year. You'll feel happier for it, you'll likely make better decisions and cope better with life's stresses, and your body will be healthier too. Wishing you all a relaxing and happy Christmas! xxx

Let's talk about stress

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote, because Nick and I have been busy moving out of London and getting ready to move into our new house in the Essex countryside. This is a really exciting move for us, but it certainly hasn't been without it stresses - and it's far from over!

I wanted to write about stress because it affects everyone and yet we talk about it so little. I feel that maybe we think admitting our stress is tantamount to admitting weakness. In my day job working in leadership development we use the term "resilience" to be a positive characteristic of a leader; meaning someone who can handle highly stressed situations and easily bounce back from setbacks. In fact, I've been called resilient in the past, by bosses who've been grateful that I've kept going and made a success of high pressure projects etc. But just because we might be able to hide our stress and anxiety (at least in some situations and from some people!), doesn't mean we're not feeling it, and doesn't mean it's not adversely affecting our health.

I don't profess to be an expert on stress, but it's something I've become more and more aware of since I became ill earlier this year. I've written before about the anxiety attacks I suffered when I first started to experience autoimmune symptoms. Other than Nick, I hadn't told anyone about the anxiety attacks (until I started telling the world via this blog!) Why didn't I tell anyone? Whilst I was comfortable discussing my physical symptoms (that I had double vision for example) I didn't want to disclose my emotional symptoms. On reflection, I think there was an element of shame and embarrassment. That somehow, I was causing the anxiety attacks myself and that admitting that would cause people to view me differently, as 'weak' perhaps or lacking in resilience. Even whilst I write this, I am fighting that fear that you will form a different opinion of me as a result of this admission.

Big things like break-ups of relationships and bereavement cause stress and I think we're somehow more ok with that, but I think there is little recognition that small things in everyday life and our thoughts about the past or future can also build up stress and anxiety over time. Perhaps we feel less comfortable admitting that we're stressed out over the smaller stuff?

I wanted to write this post to start a conversation about stress and anxiety. Why are we so uncomfortable talking about it? A friend and I had this conversation the other day and we wondered whether there is a cultural element to it; the British "stiff upper lip" that stops us from talking about our feelings. I felt very alone (even though I wasn't alone) when I was having anxiety attacks, because I didn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling. It's ok to admit it; and I'd bet that once you do, you'll find out that people all around you are having or have had similar experiences.

The positive thing about talking about stress and anxiety is that's a good step towards getting beyond those feelings. In response to recognising I was experiencing stress and anxiety, I signed up for a mindfulness course with the friend I mentioned earlier. I've found mindful meditation really helps manage stress 'in the moment' and also helps to build up greater barriers against becoming anxious in the first place. I've also told myself that doing something positive like learning about mindfulness is a sign of personal strength, not of weakness. I'm a better person as a result of what I've learned and it's a more effective approach than burying my head in the sand and hoping it will all pass! I'll write another post to tell you more about mindfulness if you are interested; I would definitely recommend it.

Love A xx

"Healthy" means healthy & An Autumnal Marrow

I've mentioned before that my diet was never been that bad, at least not like the fast-food, mountains of junk you see some people eating on Supersize & Superskinny! However, whenever I've made an effort to "eat healthy" in the past, what I've really meant is "eat to loose a couple of pounds before bikini season"! In fact, there wasn't much healthy about my "healthy" attempts. Generally these involved a bit of cutting back on wine, maybe carbs, maybe chocolate (a bit healthier I suppose) probably skipping the odd meal (not very healthy) but not necessarily eating anything healthier than before (i.e. still surviving mainly on pasta and cheese!)

What's great about my new "healthy eating" is that it's actually healthy! I've got a much better understanding of the science of food and the body. I'm making a conscious effort to avoid the foods that I think might do me harm, but I'm also pro-actively eating more of the foods that I think will do more good. It's been ten weeks on this new way of eating, and not only are my autoimmune symptoms vastly improved, I've got much more energy, my skin is totally clear, the condition of my nails and hair are enhanced - and there is an added bonus that despite my not holding back at all and eating tons of this delicious new food, I've not put on any weight (in fact I lost a few pounds)! My relationship with food has vastly improved. Eating used to be something I did because I was hungry and in a hurry, because I was socialising, because I was stressed, or if I'm honest sometimes just because I was bored. Until very recently, I never saw food as something that could transform my physical and emotional health.

I no longer feel guilty about eating because now I know everything I'm putting in my body is doing me good, whilst tasting good too. It may sound like an overstatement, but this really has been a significant change of mindset for me! I'm now a total healthy food bore, happy to tell anyone about the benefits of eating this way :)

Anyway, some people have mentioned that they'd be interested in me sharing some recipes, so here's a genuinely "healthy" autumn-appropriate stuffed marrow for you to enjoy!


An Autumnal Marrow

I'm trying to eat as much organic food as possible, to minimise my intake of pesticides and chemicals. Of course I've always known the benefits of organic, but now I'm actually putting the knowledge into practice and spending a bit more on my veg shopping! So, when veg comes free thanks to being homegrown and kindly donated, I'm jumping at the chance to make the most of it (which is how this marrow recipe came about- I found the marrow with with a "please take one" note in a church foyer left by a mystery gardening church-goer, and the shallots were a gift from my uncle's vegetable patch).

I was also really keen to incorporate turmeric into this recipe. I've been reading about turmeric's anti-inflammatory properties, making it a great one for MS and other autoimmune conditions. Green veggies are also great, both as anti-inflammatories, and also because they are naturally alkaline. There are multiple articles about alkaline diet being necessary for the body to heal itself (which is also one of the reasons I'm minimising my meat intake) see Honestly Healthy for more info.

Ingredients (serves two big portions)

• Marrow
• Coconut oil (two big dessert spoonfulls)
• Rice (one cup)
• Chilli flakes (optional)
• Ground cinnamon (a teaspoon)
• Turmeric root (an inch)
• Ginger root (an inch)
• Onions and /or shallots (3-4 onions or more shallots)
• Carrots (two)
• Chestnut mushrooms (five or six)
• Cashew nuts (a handful)
• Raisins (half a handful)
• Himalayan pink salt (apparently the purest salt, rich in minerals)
• Black pepper

Recipe

• Pre-heat the oven to 170 C.
• Wash the marrow; and cut in half, scoop out the middle and discard. Pop both halves in the oven on a foil lined baking tray.
• Chop the turmeric (watch out, it will make your fingers yellow!) and the ginger. 
• Wash the rice and put in a pan with water. Add the turmeric, ginger and cinnamon to the rice water and put the lid on. Boil the rice for the time stated on the packet.
• Meanwhile, chop the onions / shallots and sauté in coconut oil (a superfood in itself and much healthier when heated than olive oil due to its more robust nature). Add some chilli flakes if you like.
• Chop the chestnut mushrooms and add them to the onions / shallots.
• Chop the carrots; add them into the pan with the mushrooms and onions / shallots. Stir and sauté for five minutes or so.
• Once the rice is done, stir into the vegetable mix and add the cashews and raisins. The colour of everything should be a beautiful golden yellow. Season with Himalayan pink salt and black pepper.
• Remove the marrow from the oven (the marrow flesh should now be soft if you put a fork in it). Stuff the marrow with the rice and return to the oven for five-ten minutes so the rice on the top goes a little crispy.

The result was delicious and very "in season"! I had quite a bit of rice left over, which made a delicious lunch the next day, served with avocado (full of brilliantly healthy fats that I would have avoided in my old diet for fear of getting fat- but now I LOVE it!)

Diet 2.0

I have to start by saying thank you for all the wonderful feedback and amazingly supportive messages I've received following my first blog entry. I'm really glad you enjoyed it (and frankly blown away that 1,000 people read it in the first couple of days). You've given me some extra motivation to keep going with the blog (I'm slightly feeling the pressure to avoid grammatical errors to be honest!), and I hope you're getting something positive from reading it too - loads of love out to you all!

So, this entry is all about my new diet, or "Diet 2.0" because like an early release iphone, I'm not expecting to get everything right straight away, and there will no doubt be plenty of improvements to make along the way.

My 'old' diet wasn't exactly unhealthy. I've always loved vegetables and hated even the smell of fast food. But it's fair to say I am a fan of convenience which is why (as anyone who has ever lived with me will know) I've often thought a big bowl of peas topped with chilli flakes and grated cheese was a perfectly acceptable dinner!

However, neither the peas nor the cheese made it through to Diet 2.0...

My neurologist didn't mention anything about diet other than recommending a very high dose of Vitamin D. Studies suggest that the 'sunshine vitamin' Vitamin D is closely linked with MS and various other diseases (Harvard research study here and an article in the Telegraph here) People living in counties further from the equator or who spend most of their time indoors or covered up are very likely to be deficient, plus it can't be absorbed when you're wearing sun cream. So I now take a high daily dose of Vitamin D3 (4000IU) and because we are aware of the links with other diseases and London sadly isn't that sunny, Nick my husband is taking it too (at a lower dose).

Once I knew that I was probably facing multiple sclerosis, I felt a new sense of curiosity about how other vitamins, and food groups more generally, that could either help or hinder MS recovery. Until August, I'd tried to avoid googling anything to do with MS, because I didn't want to depress myself with the inevitable misery of 'worse case scenarios'. But after the results of my second MRI scan, I plucked up the courage to start researching diets and seeking out success stories. At first it seemed that I'd opened a very complex can of worms! The various MS / autoimmune diets aren't 'proven', nor is one particular approach recommended by medical bodies, and much of the advice found online is in fact contradictory. However, I told myself that it would be better to start somewhere than not at all. So I read around and identified two big themes associated with MS - dairy and gluten, and decided that would be my starting point. At the same time, I decided to cut out alcohol and caffeine. Alcohol was actually an easy decision to make as recently (after years of having no issues at all with booze!) every time I'd have a glass of wine, I was getting horrific headaches and my body seemed to be rejecting it. I cut out caffeine to try and deal with the anxiety attacks that had accompanied by other symptoms. My mum had suggested trying it on the basis that she noticed how much strong coffee I was drinking (to stay awake in the periods of extreme fatigue) and that I looked "jumpy" - which I had to admit was also how I was feeling.

So on August 7th 2014 I started with Diet 2.0, which featured no gluten, dairy, caffeine or alcohol, but benefited from the addition of Vitamins D and B12. Well, the first three days were horrendous! I had the most extreme headaches, and felt utterly awful. I told myself that it was just withdrawal symptoms from the caffeine and kept going. Amazingly I soon started to feel much better. Not only did the headaches go, but my energy levels started to increase again. Feeling the obvious results spurred me on to continue. Even Nick, who has no medical problems but who was largely doing the diet alongside me, started to notice that he had more energy too.

I'll fast-forward over the following weeks to bring you up to today, so that you are not reading this all day! I've continued to research books, medical journals and the internet, and alongside that I've been keeping track of my own diet, lifestyle and symptoms in a diary, so that I can see what is and isn't working. My diet today (still definitely not the final version, but no doubt an improvement on my old diet) features strict avoidance of foods that potentially cause or worsen MS, and abundance of foods that heal the body or have natural anti-inflammatory properties. Much of this new approach is based on my research around the "leaky gut"; the idea of this is that certain foods can cause the gut lining to 'leak' (in some people) which allows food proteins to leak into the blood. The presence of these foreign food particles sets off an immune response, hence the link to autoimmune diseases. (You can read a much more thorough explanation of leaky gut here if you are interested).

Avoidance of foods that potentially cause of worsen MS:

I no longer eat or drink:
Gluten
Dairy
Alcohol
Caffeine
Refined sugar (I avoid it most of the time anyway!)
Animal fats (I've replaced butter with coconut oil)
All heated oils other than coconut oil (other oils denature when heated and can cause leaky gut)
Red meat (I'm still eating chicken and turkey in moderation)
Legumes (e.g. peas, beans, peanuts, soy)

Abundance of foods that promote healing of the body or have natural anti-inflammatory properties:

I eat or drink quite a lot of these to help my body repair itself:
Green and white vegetables that aren't legumes (e.g. kale, cabbage, spinach, broccoli, cauliflower)
Colourful fruits and vegetables (e.g. blueberries, raspberries, cherries, carrots, beetroot)
Avocado
Turmeric (I add it to rice or make it into 'tea' with cinnamon and almond milk)
Fish (especially oily fish)
Coconut milk kefir (a non-dairy pro-biotic)
Coconut oil (cold or heated)
Olive oil (cold, not heated)
Nuts (but not peanuts)
Water and lemon water

I'm also currently taking daily doses of Vitamin D3, B12 and either Cod Liver Oil or Flax seed oil.

This list might seem restrictive, but it's actually opened my eyes to different, and delicious ways of eating. Many kind friends have recommended various healthy eating blogs and apps, and I've expanded my cookery book collection too! It's actually refreshing not to be eating the same old meals, and even better to feel the positive results in my body. If you're interested in seeing some of my cookery attempts (I've expanded my repertoire since the peas and cheese days!) check out my Instagram

Here's a pic of chicken breast cooked in coconut oil with black pepper and Maldon sea salt, served with courgetti (spaghetti made from courgettes) in a raw avocado, spinach, kale and brazil nut pesto. It was incredible! (cooking credit to Nick, I just wizzed up the pesto!) x

Hi, I'm Alexandra and this is my new natural recovery lifestyle...

Hello! Thanks for popping by.

I'm Alexandra and this is my first blog entry... ever.

I've decided to start blogging because I've been through a pretty crazy journey over the last eight months or so; some days have been horrific and others uplifting and energising. This is my experience of the sudden and very unexpected onset of an autoimmune disease (still undiagnosed but probably multiple sclerosis) age 31. This is my journey through shock and denial to pro-activity and positivity. I primarily wanted to blog because I hope my musings can give some comfort and encouragement to others in similar situations, but whoever you are and whatever your situation, I hope you enjoy the read! Please leave me a comment if you'd like, I'd love to hear from you.

So first up, here is my story...

One evening after work in March 2014 I met two friends for dinner. It was a great evening, spent catching up, munching steak and sharing wine. But as I was walking home through Islington in London, I noticed that the traffic on the road to my right didn't look right. Everything on that side of my vision had suddenly gone double. Initially I put it down to the wine and the fact that I was exhausted from another busy week at work. However when I woke up and my right eye was still seeing double, I knew this wasn't normal. I tried to carry on as normal, squinting with one eye open so I could see my laptop properly and even managed to fly to Scotland and back to interview someone (one-eyed!) Unfortunately with the dodgy vision came intense headaches. Trying to get to the bottom of the problem, I first went to the optician who thought it could be a problem with wearing the wrong prescription contact lenses. I was sceptical, but tried new prescription lenses for a few days anyway. When that didn't work, I went to see my GP. She didn't know what it was either, suggesting perhaps it was just a migraine (which I had never had before). Thankfully she referred me to a neurologist. A couple of days later, I was sitting in the neurologist's waiting room with Nick, my husband, who was trying to stop me frantically googling potential diagnoses. The charming neurologist did some quick tests (including knocking my knee with a hammer which I didn't realise was an actual medical test!) He told me that it looked like something (probably a virus) was affecting my nerves, and that was why my vision wasn't functioning properly.

Two weeks later, I was lying in a pristine white hospital room waiting to go into a MRI scan 'tunnel'. Both Nick and my mum were in the waiting room for moral support (and to grill the radiologist about the dangers of MRI scans in my mum's case!) The worst bit of that experience for me was without doubt the injection (I'm petrified of needles- or at least I was before they became a more frequent occurrence for me!)

The three of us huddled back into the neurologist's office two days later to receive the results. I wasn't prepared for seeing the insides of my brain on a black and white x-ray type film. Big and small blot-like white circles appeared amongst the walnut-like squiggles you'd expect from a brain image. The neurologist explained that these were signs of swelling in my brain, likely caused by an unknown virus. I can't remember much more of what he said because I had to get a glass of water, and then he told me I should lie down because I looked like I was about to faint! We headed home, via the cake shop at the end of our road (I've been brought up to believe that tea and cake always the answer in times of trouble :))

Work responded to the news by telling me to take some time off so I could try to let my body recover. So I spent the next couple of weeks cocooned in bed or on the sofa in our London flat, sleeping lots and occasionally 'watching' tv with my eyes closed. After a few weeks, my vision came back to normal and the headaches subsided. But I was left with an overwhelming sense of tiredness and significant anxiety about what was happening to me. I tried to get back to my normal life so I went back to work and tried to carry on as normal. But some days, I seemed to have no energy at all and staying awake more than a few hours was a real challenge, only accomplishable with buckets of strong coffee. Every tingle in my body was cause for more concern; what was happening in my brain?! As I kept trying to push myself, my body struggled to keep up. I had daily panic attacks and constant headaches became the norm.

At the end of July 2014, the time came for my second MRI scan to review progress of the swelling. I went into the scan feeling confident that it would be good news; my vision was back to normal and although I was still feeling much more tired than usual, I was certainly lots better than before. So when the neurologist told me that although the initial swelling had reduced, new areas of swelling had occurred, I was genuinely shocked. He explained that this suggested that the cause was less likely to be a virus, and more likely to be the early stages of multiple sclerosis (MS). Somehow the second set of results was easier for me to digest than the first. I guess some unconscious part of me must have prepared myself to take in the news, because I certainly wasn't consciously prepared!

The neurologist told me that there could be an option to start taking MS drugs straight away, if that was the path I wanted to take. But I didn't want to commit to a lifetime of drugs without even having a definite diagnosis (and my fear of injections didn't help either!) I left that appointment feeling a strange sense of positivity, that this was something that wouldn't break me. I've knew I was amazingly lucky to have Nick, my mum, and a wider circle of brilliantly supportive friends and family. I decided to take a positive and proactive approach to getting myself back to full health... only at that point I had no idea what that would involve!

This blog is my way of recording the lifestyle changes I've made and am yet to make, and my experiences of how well they work for me. If you're going through something similar, I hope this helps to inspire your own recovery path. If you're not, I hope you pick up some healthy tips and enjoy the read!

Love,

Alexandra x

PS - please do leave me a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts!