It's been a few weeks since I last wrote, because Nick and I have been busy moving out of London and getting ready to move into our new house in the Essex countryside. This is a really exciting move for us, but it certainly hasn't been without it stresses - and it's far from over!
I wanted to write about stress because it affects everyone and yet we talk about it so little. I feel that maybe we think admitting our stress is tantamount to admitting weakness. In my day job working in leadership development we use the term "resilience" to be a positive characteristic of a leader; meaning someone who can handle highly stressed situations and easily bounce back from setbacks. In fact, I've been called resilient in the past, by bosses who've been grateful that I've kept going and made a success of high pressure projects etc. But just because we might be able to hide our stress and anxiety (at least in some situations and from some people!), doesn't mean we're not feeling it, and doesn't mean it's not adversely affecting our health.
I don't profess to be an expert on stress, but it's something I've become more and more aware of since I became ill earlier this year. I've written before about the anxiety attacks I suffered when I first started to experience autoimmune symptoms. Other than Nick, I hadn't told anyone about the anxiety attacks (until I started telling the world via this blog!) Why didn't I tell anyone? Whilst I was comfortable discussing my physical symptoms (that I had double vision for example) I didn't want to disclose my emotional symptoms. On reflection, I think there was an element of shame and embarrassment. That somehow, I was causing the anxiety attacks myself and that admitting that would cause people to view me differently, as 'weak' perhaps or lacking in resilience. Even whilst I write this, I am fighting that fear that you will form a different opinion of me as a result of this admission.
Big things like break-ups of relationships and bereavement cause stress and I think we're somehow more ok with that, but I think there is little recognition that small things in everyday life and our thoughts about the past or future can also build up stress and anxiety over time. Perhaps we feel less comfortable admitting that we're stressed out over the smaller stuff?
I wanted to write this post to start a conversation about stress and anxiety. Why are we so uncomfortable talking about it? A friend and I had this conversation the other day and we wondered whether there is a cultural element to it; the British "stiff upper lip" that stops us from talking about our feelings. I felt very alone (even though I wasn't alone) when I was having anxiety attacks, because I didn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling. It's ok to admit it; and I'd bet that once you do, you'll find out that people all around you are having or have had similar experiences.
The positive thing about talking about stress and anxiety is that's a good step towards getting beyond those feelings. In response to recognising I was experiencing stress and anxiety, I signed up for a mindfulness course with the friend I mentioned earlier. I've found mindful meditation really helps manage stress 'in the moment' and also helps to build up greater barriers against becoming anxious in the first place. I've also told myself that doing something positive like learning about mindfulness is a sign of personal strength, not of weakness. I'm a better person as a result of what I've learned and it's a more effective approach than burying my head in the sand and hoping it will all pass! I'll write another post to tell you more about mindfulness if you are interested; I would definitely recommend it.
Love A xx
