Wishing you a mindful Christmas!

Weeks are flying past me at the moment as we try to get our new house habitable in any spare time around work. I'm feeling guilty for not having written for so long! I promised to tell you a bit about mindfulness, and actually I think it’s pretty appropriate at such a busy time, because the times in your life when you have no time or focus for mediation are actually the times when it can help you the most. So it seems appropriate to write about it as everyone is rushing around getting ready for Christmas, family visiting or whatever you might be celebrating at this time of year :)

Before this summer I’d heard about mindfulness through my work in leadership development; for some it’s a buzzword for helping people to handle the stress and strains of complex jobs. Whilst some people might write it off as a fad or something for hippies, there is a growing bank of evidence that being mindful improves mental well-being. It’s even used to treat depression and a recent study showed it to be as effective as medication.

So what is it? There are billions of definitions for mindfulness. This is one of my favourites (by James Baraz):

“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding onto it when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”

I've recently finished an eight week course (with the London Mindfulness Project who I’d definitely recommended).  The course was a mixture of theory and practice, with ‘homework’ involving practising different types of mediation and bringing mindfulness into our everyday lives, eating, commuting and communicating. I thought I’d share with you three benefits I've felt. If you are interested perhaps you’ll do a mindfulness course too!

Recognising thinking patterns

One of the most interesting things we did together was becoming aware of our thinking patterns. Rather than just letting ourselves think about random stuff as we go about our day, we started to be aware of what those thoughts were and labelling them to ourselves. “Now I am worrying about the future (everything I need to do at work); now I am blaming myself for something in the past (I wish I hadn't said that); now I am getting stressed about things I can’t change (my train is late again and there are so many people at this station).” Becoming aware of my thinking made me realise two things- firstly I think about a lot of random stuff! And secondly, I have a pattern of thinking about possible disaster scenarios that will probably never happen ("what if all those cars fall off the back of that lorry?") Mindfulness is great because it teaches you to be kind to yourself when you’re recognising all of this, so it’s not a matter of a voice in your head telling you how stupid you are for thinking like this. Instead, it’s a comfort to be able to tell yourself “it’s ok, it’s just me thinking about random disasters that aren't actually going to happen again!” Since being aware of it, I've found I can be much more focused with my thoughts and therefore more efficient in my thinking. It’s also a very calming experience to allow yourself not to over-worry about the past or the future.

Appreciating right now

Another aspect of mindfulness is its focus on this moment, right now. I hadn't appreciated just how much time I spend thinking about the past and the future, whilst just living on ‘auto pilot’ and not appreciating the present moment. One of the loveliest things we did on the mindfulness course was walking through Regent’s Park in London, just spending time in the present moment. I lived in London nine years and I've been to the park many times but I've never experienced it like I did that day! This will probably sound very hippyish to those of you who aren't mindfulness converts, but I was amazed how much I enjoyed spending a couple of hours just walking around the park, taking in the plants, the trees, watching the squirrels, listening to the sounds and noticing the smell of the air. I didn't think about what I needed to do later, or think about the past; I just lived in the present moment. It was such a calming and pleasant experience. I can really see how doing this can help improve mental well-being because there is so much to appreciate and enjoy in the present moment. Although doing it for two hours is a bit unrealistic in everyday life, this is something you can easily do for five or ten minutes as you walk anywhere (it doesn't have to be a beautiful park!)

SOS breathing exercises

Many people who do mindfulness do so to help them with mental or physical health problems (although it really does have benefits for everyone). I learnt many breathing exercises and mediation exercises but one of the simplest was a three minute “SOS” breathing exercise. This one is for use when you’re suffering from physical pain, or when you feel yourself getting stressed, or even to prepare yourself for a challenging situation (like a tough meeting at work). The exercise can be done anywhere; I've done it many times on an over-packed tube train! It is in three parts. Firstly, be aware of how your body is “grounded” – e.g. your feet grounded to the floor, or your back and legs against a bed if you’re lying down. Notice how your body feels right now; is it tense, relaxed, energised? You don't need to try and change it, just be aware of how it is. Secondly, bring your attention to your breath as it enters your nose. Just notice how it goes in and out; be aware of the temperature of the air, how it feels, how it sounds. Focusing on your breath really gets you thinking about this moment right now. Thirdly, imagine that each breath you take is filling your whole body to the tips of your toes and fingers. It’s amazing how relaxing this feels - especially if you've tired your mind out by worrying about something endlessly. The whole thing should only take a few minutes, but can take longer if you like. No one even needs to know you're doing it. Apparently doing an exercise like this actually activates the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, which reverses the effect of the sympathetic nervous system (our fight or flight response that makes us feel anxious).

I hope that's got you thinking about the benefits of letting your mind take regular breaks (however short!) at this busy time of year. You'll feel happier for it, you'll likely make better decisions and cope better with life's stresses, and your body will be healthier too. Wishing you all a relaxing and happy Christmas! xxx

Let's talk about stress

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote, because Nick and I have been busy moving out of London and getting ready to move into our new house in the Essex countryside. This is a really exciting move for us, but it certainly hasn't been without it stresses - and it's far from over!

I wanted to write about stress because it affects everyone and yet we talk about it so little. I feel that maybe we think admitting our stress is tantamount to admitting weakness. In my day job working in leadership development we use the term "resilience" to be a positive characteristic of a leader; meaning someone who can handle highly stressed situations and easily bounce back from setbacks. In fact, I've been called resilient in the past, by bosses who've been grateful that I've kept going and made a success of high pressure projects etc. But just because we might be able to hide our stress and anxiety (at least in some situations and from some people!), doesn't mean we're not feeling it, and doesn't mean it's not adversely affecting our health.

I don't profess to be an expert on stress, but it's something I've become more and more aware of since I became ill earlier this year. I've written before about the anxiety attacks I suffered when I first started to experience autoimmune symptoms. Other than Nick, I hadn't told anyone about the anxiety attacks (until I started telling the world via this blog!) Why didn't I tell anyone? Whilst I was comfortable discussing my physical symptoms (that I had double vision for example) I didn't want to disclose my emotional symptoms. On reflection, I think there was an element of shame and embarrassment. That somehow, I was causing the anxiety attacks myself and that admitting that would cause people to view me differently, as 'weak' perhaps or lacking in resilience. Even whilst I write this, I am fighting that fear that you will form a different opinion of me as a result of this admission.

Big things like break-ups of relationships and bereavement cause stress and I think we're somehow more ok with that, but I think there is little recognition that small things in everyday life and our thoughts about the past or future can also build up stress and anxiety over time. Perhaps we feel less comfortable admitting that we're stressed out over the smaller stuff?

I wanted to write this post to start a conversation about stress and anxiety. Why are we so uncomfortable talking about it? A friend and I had this conversation the other day and we wondered whether there is a cultural element to it; the British "stiff upper lip" that stops us from talking about our feelings. I felt very alone (even though I wasn't alone) when I was having anxiety attacks, because I didn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling. It's ok to admit it; and I'd bet that once you do, you'll find out that people all around you are having or have had similar experiences.

The positive thing about talking about stress and anxiety is that's a good step towards getting beyond those feelings. In response to recognising I was experiencing stress and anxiety, I signed up for a mindfulness course with the friend I mentioned earlier. I've found mindful meditation really helps manage stress 'in the moment' and also helps to build up greater barriers against becoming anxious in the first place. I've also told myself that doing something positive like learning about mindfulness is a sign of personal strength, not of weakness. I'm a better person as a result of what I've learned and it's a more effective approach than burying my head in the sand and hoping it will all pass! I'll write another post to tell you more about mindfulness if you are interested; I would definitely recommend it.

Love A xx

"Healthy" means healthy & An Autumnal Marrow

I've mentioned before that my diet was never been that bad, at least not like the fast-food, mountains of junk you see some people eating on Supersize & Superskinny! However, whenever I've made an effort to "eat healthy" in the past, what I've really meant is "eat to loose a couple of pounds before bikini season"! In fact, there wasn't much healthy about my "healthy" attempts. Generally these involved a bit of cutting back on wine, maybe carbs, maybe chocolate (a bit healthier I suppose) probably skipping the odd meal (not very healthy) but not necessarily eating anything healthier than before (i.e. still surviving mainly on pasta and cheese!)

What's great about my new "healthy eating" is that it's actually healthy! I've got a much better understanding of the science of food and the body. I'm making a conscious effort to avoid the foods that I think might do me harm, but I'm also pro-actively eating more of the foods that I think will do more good. It's been ten weeks on this new way of eating, and not only are my autoimmune symptoms vastly improved, I've got much more energy, my skin is totally clear, the condition of my nails and hair are enhanced - and there is an added bonus that despite my not holding back at all and eating tons of this delicious new food, I've not put on any weight (in fact I lost a few pounds)! My relationship with food has vastly improved. Eating used to be something I did because I was hungry and in a hurry, because I was socialising, because I was stressed, or if I'm honest sometimes just because I was bored. Until very recently, I never saw food as something that could transform my physical and emotional health.

I no longer feel guilty about eating because now I know everything I'm putting in my body is doing me good, whilst tasting good too. It may sound like an overstatement, but this really has been a significant change of mindset for me! I'm now a total healthy food bore, happy to tell anyone about the benefits of eating this way :)

Anyway, some people have mentioned that they'd be interested in me sharing some recipes, so here's a genuinely "healthy" autumn-appropriate stuffed marrow for you to enjoy!


An Autumnal Marrow

I'm trying to eat as much organic food as possible, to minimise my intake of pesticides and chemicals. Of course I've always known the benefits of organic, but now I'm actually putting the knowledge into practice and spending a bit more on my veg shopping! So, when veg comes free thanks to being homegrown and kindly donated, I'm jumping at the chance to make the most of it (which is how this marrow recipe came about- I found the marrow with with a "please take one" note in a church foyer left by a mystery gardening church-goer, and the shallots were a gift from my uncle's vegetable patch).

I was also really keen to incorporate turmeric into this recipe. I've been reading about turmeric's anti-inflammatory properties, making it a great one for MS and other autoimmune conditions. Green veggies are also great, both as anti-inflammatories, and also because they are naturally alkaline. There are multiple articles about alkaline diet being necessary for the body to heal itself (which is also one of the reasons I'm minimising my meat intake) see Honestly Healthy for more info.

Ingredients (serves two big portions)

• Marrow
• Coconut oil (two big dessert spoonfulls)
• Rice (one cup)
• Chilli flakes (optional)
• Ground cinnamon (a teaspoon)
• Turmeric root (an inch)
• Ginger root (an inch)
• Onions and /or shallots (3-4 onions or more shallots)
• Carrots (two)
• Chestnut mushrooms (five or six)
• Cashew nuts (a handful)
• Raisins (half a handful)
• Himalayan pink salt (apparently the purest salt, rich in minerals)
• Black pepper

Recipe

• Pre-heat the oven to 170 C.
• Wash the marrow; and cut in half, scoop out the middle and discard. Pop both halves in the oven on a foil lined baking tray.
• Chop the turmeric (watch out, it will make your fingers yellow!) and the ginger. 
• Wash the rice and put in a pan with water. Add the turmeric, ginger and cinnamon to the rice water and put the lid on. Boil the rice for the time stated on the packet.
• Meanwhile, chop the onions / shallots and sauté in coconut oil (a superfood in itself and much healthier when heated than olive oil due to its more robust nature). Add some chilli flakes if you like.
• Chop the chestnut mushrooms and add them to the onions / shallots.
• Chop the carrots; add them into the pan with the mushrooms and onions / shallots. Stir and sauté for five minutes or so.
• Once the rice is done, stir into the vegetable mix and add the cashews and raisins. The colour of everything should be a beautiful golden yellow. Season with Himalayan pink salt and black pepper.
• Remove the marrow from the oven (the marrow flesh should now be soft if you put a fork in it). Stuff the marrow with the rice and return to the oven for five-ten minutes so the rice on the top goes a little crispy.

The result was delicious and very "in season"! I had quite a bit of rice left over, which made a delicious lunch the next day, served with avocado (full of brilliantly healthy fats that I would have avoided in my old diet for fear of getting fat- but now I LOVE it!)

Diet 2.0

I have to start by saying thank you for all the wonderful feedback and amazingly supportive messages I've received following my first blog entry. I'm really glad you enjoyed it (and frankly blown away that 1,000 people read it in the first couple of days). You've given me some extra motivation to keep going with the blog (I'm slightly feeling the pressure to avoid grammatical errors to be honest!), and I hope you're getting something positive from reading it too - loads of love out to you all!

So, this entry is all about my new diet, or "Diet 2.0" because like an early release iphone, I'm not expecting to get everything right straight away, and there will no doubt be plenty of improvements to make along the way.

My 'old' diet wasn't exactly unhealthy. I've always loved vegetables and hated even the smell of fast food. But it's fair to say I am a fan of convenience which is why (as anyone who has ever lived with me will know) I've often thought a big bowl of peas topped with chilli flakes and grated cheese was a perfectly acceptable dinner!

However, neither the peas nor the cheese made it through to Diet 2.0...

My neurologist didn't mention anything about diet other than recommending a very high dose of Vitamin D. Studies suggest that the 'sunshine vitamin' Vitamin D is closely linked with MS and various other diseases (Harvard research study here and an article in the Telegraph here) People living in counties further from the equator or who spend most of their time indoors or covered up are very likely to be deficient, plus it can't be absorbed when you're wearing sun cream. So I now take a high daily dose of Vitamin D3 (4000IU) and because we are aware of the links with other diseases and London sadly isn't that sunny, Nick my husband is taking it too (at a lower dose).

Once I knew that I was probably facing multiple sclerosis, I felt a new sense of curiosity about how other vitamins, and food groups more generally, that could either help or hinder MS recovery. Until August, I'd tried to avoid googling anything to do with MS, because I didn't want to depress myself with the inevitable misery of 'worse case scenarios'. But after the results of my second MRI scan, I plucked up the courage to start researching diets and seeking out success stories. At first it seemed that I'd opened a very complex can of worms! The various MS / autoimmune diets aren't 'proven', nor is one particular approach recommended by medical bodies, and much of the advice found online is in fact contradictory. However, I told myself that it would be better to start somewhere than not at all. So I read around and identified two big themes associated with MS - dairy and gluten, and decided that would be my starting point. At the same time, I decided to cut out alcohol and caffeine. Alcohol was actually an easy decision to make as recently (after years of having no issues at all with booze!) every time I'd have a glass of wine, I was getting horrific headaches and my body seemed to be rejecting it. I cut out caffeine to try and deal with the anxiety attacks that had accompanied by other symptoms. My mum had suggested trying it on the basis that she noticed how much strong coffee I was drinking (to stay awake in the periods of extreme fatigue) and that I looked "jumpy" - which I had to admit was also how I was feeling.

So on August 7th 2014 I started with Diet 2.0, which featured no gluten, dairy, caffeine or alcohol, but benefited from the addition of Vitamins D and B12. Well, the first three days were horrendous! I had the most extreme headaches, and felt utterly awful. I told myself that it was just withdrawal symptoms from the caffeine and kept going. Amazingly I soon started to feel much better. Not only did the headaches go, but my energy levels started to increase again. Feeling the obvious results spurred me on to continue. Even Nick, who has no medical problems but who was largely doing the diet alongside me, started to notice that he had more energy too.

I'll fast-forward over the following weeks to bring you up to today, so that you are not reading this all day! I've continued to research books, medical journals and the internet, and alongside that I've been keeping track of my own diet, lifestyle and symptoms in a diary, so that I can see what is and isn't working. My diet today (still definitely not the final version, but no doubt an improvement on my old diet) features strict avoidance of foods that potentially cause or worsen MS, and abundance of foods that heal the body or have natural anti-inflammatory properties. Much of this new approach is based on my research around the "leaky gut"; the idea of this is that certain foods can cause the gut lining to 'leak' (in some people) which allows food proteins to leak into the blood. The presence of these foreign food particles sets off an immune response, hence the link to autoimmune diseases. (You can read a much more thorough explanation of leaky gut here if you are interested).

Avoidance of foods that potentially cause of worsen MS:

I no longer eat or drink:
Gluten
Dairy
Alcohol
Caffeine
Refined sugar (I avoid it most of the time anyway!)
Animal fats (I've replaced butter with coconut oil)
All heated oils other than coconut oil (other oils denature when heated and can cause leaky gut)
Red meat (I'm still eating chicken and turkey in moderation)
Legumes (e.g. peas, beans, peanuts, soy)

Abundance of foods that promote healing of the body or have natural anti-inflammatory properties:

I eat or drink quite a lot of these to help my body repair itself:
Green and white vegetables that aren't legumes (e.g. kale, cabbage, spinach, broccoli, cauliflower)
Colourful fruits and vegetables (e.g. blueberries, raspberries, cherries, carrots, beetroot)
Avocado
Turmeric (I add it to rice or make it into 'tea' with cinnamon and almond milk)
Fish (especially oily fish)
Coconut milk kefir (a non-dairy pro-biotic)
Coconut oil (cold or heated)
Olive oil (cold, not heated)
Nuts (but not peanuts)
Water and lemon water

I'm also currently taking daily doses of Vitamin D3, B12 and either Cod Liver Oil or Flax seed oil.

This list might seem restrictive, but it's actually opened my eyes to different, and delicious ways of eating. Many kind friends have recommended various healthy eating blogs and apps, and I've expanded my cookery book collection too! It's actually refreshing not to be eating the same old meals, and even better to feel the positive results in my body. If you're interested in seeing some of my cookery attempts (I've expanded my repertoire since the peas and cheese days!) check out my Instagram

Here's a pic of chicken breast cooked in coconut oil with black pepper and Maldon sea salt, served with courgetti (spaghetti made from courgettes) in a raw avocado, spinach, kale and brazil nut pesto. It was incredible! (cooking credit to Nick, I just wizzed up the pesto!) x

Hi, I'm Alexandra and this is my new natural recovery lifestyle...

Hello! Thanks for popping by.

I'm Alexandra and this is my first blog entry... ever.

I've decided to start blogging because I've been through a pretty crazy journey over the last eight months or so; some days have been horrific and others uplifting and energising. This is my experience of the sudden and very unexpected onset of an autoimmune disease (still undiagnosed but probably multiple sclerosis) age 31. This is my journey through shock and denial to pro-activity and positivity. I primarily wanted to blog because I hope my musings can give some comfort and encouragement to others in similar situations, but whoever you are and whatever your situation, I hope you enjoy the read! Please leave me a comment if you'd like, I'd love to hear from you.

So first up, here is my story...

One evening after work in March 2014 I met two friends for dinner. It was a great evening, spent catching up, munching steak and sharing wine. But as I was walking home through Islington in London, I noticed that the traffic on the road to my right didn't look right. Everything on that side of my vision had suddenly gone double. Initially I put it down to the wine and the fact that I was exhausted from another busy week at work. However when I woke up and my right eye was still seeing double, I knew this wasn't normal. I tried to carry on as normal, squinting with one eye open so I could see my laptop properly and even managed to fly to Scotland and back to interview someone (one-eyed!) Unfortunately with the dodgy vision came intense headaches. Trying to get to the bottom of the problem, I first went to the optician who thought it could be a problem with wearing the wrong prescription contact lenses. I was sceptical, but tried new prescription lenses for a few days anyway. When that didn't work, I went to see my GP. She didn't know what it was either, suggesting perhaps it was just a migraine (which I had never had before). Thankfully she referred me to a neurologist. A couple of days later, I was sitting in the neurologist's waiting room with Nick, my husband, who was trying to stop me frantically googling potential diagnoses. The charming neurologist did some quick tests (including knocking my knee with a hammer which I didn't realise was an actual medical test!) He told me that it looked like something (probably a virus) was affecting my nerves, and that was why my vision wasn't functioning properly.

Two weeks later, I was lying in a pristine white hospital room waiting to go into a MRI scan 'tunnel'. Both Nick and my mum were in the waiting room for moral support (and to grill the radiologist about the dangers of MRI scans in my mum's case!) The worst bit of that experience for me was without doubt the injection (I'm petrified of needles- or at least I was before they became a more frequent occurrence for me!)

The three of us huddled back into the neurologist's office two days later to receive the results. I wasn't prepared for seeing the insides of my brain on a black and white x-ray type film. Big and small blot-like white circles appeared amongst the walnut-like squiggles you'd expect from a brain image. The neurologist explained that these were signs of swelling in my brain, likely caused by an unknown virus. I can't remember much more of what he said because I had to get a glass of water, and then he told me I should lie down because I looked like I was about to faint! We headed home, via the cake shop at the end of our road (I've been brought up to believe that tea and cake always the answer in times of trouble :))

Work responded to the news by telling me to take some time off so I could try to let my body recover. So I spent the next couple of weeks cocooned in bed or on the sofa in our London flat, sleeping lots and occasionally 'watching' tv with my eyes closed. After a few weeks, my vision came back to normal and the headaches subsided. But I was left with an overwhelming sense of tiredness and significant anxiety about what was happening to me. I tried to get back to my normal life so I went back to work and tried to carry on as normal. But some days, I seemed to have no energy at all and staying awake more than a few hours was a real challenge, only accomplishable with buckets of strong coffee. Every tingle in my body was cause for more concern; what was happening in my brain?! As I kept trying to push myself, my body struggled to keep up. I had daily panic attacks and constant headaches became the norm.

At the end of July 2014, the time came for my second MRI scan to review progress of the swelling. I went into the scan feeling confident that it would be good news; my vision was back to normal and although I was still feeling much more tired than usual, I was certainly lots better than before. So when the neurologist told me that although the initial swelling had reduced, new areas of swelling had occurred, I was genuinely shocked. He explained that this suggested that the cause was less likely to be a virus, and more likely to be the early stages of multiple sclerosis (MS). Somehow the second set of results was easier for me to digest than the first. I guess some unconscious part of me must have prepared myself to take in the news, because I certainly wasn't consciously prepared!

The neurologist told me that there could be an option to start taking MS drugs straight away, if that was the path I wanted to take. But I didn't want to commit to a lifetime of drugs without even having a definite diagnosis (and my fear of injections didn't help either!) I left that appointment feeling a strange sense of positivity, that this was something that wouldn't break me. I've knew I was amazingly lucky to have Nick, my mum, and a wider circle of brilliantly supportive friends and family. I decided to take a positive and proactive approach to getting myself back to full health... only at that point I had no idea what that would involve!

This blog is my way of recording the lifestyle changes I've made and am yet to make, and my experiences of how well they work for me. If you're going through something similar, I hope this helps to inspire your own recovery path. If you're not, I hope you pick up some healthy tips and enjoy the read!

Love,

Alexandra x

PS - please do leave me a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts!