A pregnant pause!

It’s been ages since my last blog post, but I have a good excuse… shortly after my last post I found out I was pregnant expecting twins and now my life is very full on looking after my two little cuties! Many people asked me if I was able to stick to my diet during pregnancy so I thought it was about time I wrote a blog post J

MS studies have shown that women often suffer from MS relapses shortly after birth, thought to be a result of the changing hormones, and being aware of this, I was determined to do everything I could to ward off a pregnancy-related relapse.

To begin with I had pretty horrific morning sickness and very little energy (normal twin pregnancy stuff I think, rather than MS-related!) I continued with my diet, tweaking some aspects to make it pregnancy/baby-appropriate and lower maintenance - as I don’t have much time to cook anymore!

These are my current diet “rules” (not that different from my original set of rules).

Avoidance of foods that potentially cause or worsen MS:

I’m still strictly avoiding:

• Gluten
• Dairy
• Alcohol
• Caffeine
• Animal fats
• Red meat (I ate some chicken during my pregnancy mainly due to peer pressure from my mum(!) but am meat-free again now)

I relaxed my avoidance of legumes so I could get some vegetable-based protein from beans and pulses- and this doesn’t seem to have affected my MS symptoms.

Abundance of foods that promote healing of the body or have natural anti-inflammatory properties:

I’ve continued to eat or drink quite a lot of these to help my body repair itself:

• Loads of veggies of all colours
• Avocado
• Turmeric
• Fish (especially oily fish)
• Coconut oil
• Olive oil
• Nuts (but not peanuts)
• Water and lemon water

I'm still taking Flaxseed for Omega 3 and Vitamin D (I've lowered my dose too 1000IU during pregnancy on advice of my neurologist).

During my pregnancy, and in the months since with two little babies, I’ve found I need all the energy I can get! I’ve been eating loads of gluten free oats in all different forms- porridge, oat cereal, flapjack, and oat milk.

For anyone trying to follow this sort of diet and needing some “low maintenance” tips, here are a couple of new staples that require (almost) zero preparation that I’ve found useful to have in the fridge!

  

• A gluten free oat cereal 
• Gluten and dairy free oat flapjacks 
• The “Easy Bean” range of pre-cooked plant-based meals (like a ready meal but without the bad fats, preservatives etc therefore much healthier) 
• Pre-cooked rice you can microwave
• Pre-cooked quinoa you can microwave
• Pre-chopped veggies if I'm really short of time!
• Hummus
• For a treat, chocolate oat milk 

My twins are four months old now, and since most pregnancy-related MS relapses occur within the first three months, I think I have managed to avoid it! J I definitely think my diet has played a big part in this, as has my continued reliance on yoga and meditation to keep a positive frame of mind (more on that another day maybe J)

Recipe - Spaghetti Caulinese

I’ve just got back from a week in Southern Italy and I love a portmanteau so here’s a quick and easy recipe for an alternative spaghetti bolognese… Cauliflower Bolognese, aka Caulinese, replacing mince with finely chopped cauli. This was an experiment, but the result was surprisingly great so I thought I’d share the recipe. Even meat-loving Nick thought it was pretty tasty!

Ingredients

• One head of cauliflower (chop the florets finely in a food processor, leaving out the leaves, or if you are feeling lazy but it pre-chopped from Tesco)
• One large white onion, chopped finely
• A couple of cloves of garlic, chopped finely
• A handful of chestnut mushrooms, chopped roughly
• A tin of tomatoes
• Herbs and seasoning to taste (I used basil, oregano, salt and pepper)
• Pasta of your choice (I like Dove’s Farm gluten free organic brown rice pasta)

The sauce should take about 10 -15 minutes to make so depending on the type of pasta you use, it should be easy to coordinate it to all be ready at the same time!

Method

1. First get a saucepan onto boil for the pasta.
2. Sauté the chopped onion and garlic in oil (I used extra virgin olive oil at a fairly low heat).
3. After a few minutes, add the chopped mushrooms, stirring now and again. Add salt and pepper as the mushrooms are cooking.
4. Put the pasta onto boil.
5. When the mushrooms are almost cooked, spoon in all the cauliflower mince. You may need to turn the heat up a little now; cook the cauli for about three minutes, stirring continuously so it doesn’t burn. Don't cook for too long or the cauli will loose its bite.
6. Next add the tin of tomatoes into the pan with the herbs and stir.
7. Leave the sauce simmering for about four to five minutes and then it’s ready to serve!

 PS we are still kitchen-less in our new house so this is simple enough to cook in the camping-style kitchen that we've set up in a spare bedroom!

Budget airlines and numb fingers

A couple of days ago, a series of events left me feeling stressed and anxious. By the time I arrived at the airport after a tricky afternoon and a delayed, turbulent flight, I had already noticed that the pad of my third finger on my left hand was numb. As I was waiting for my luggage, my right arm was experiencing deadness in sporadic pangs from my shoulder down to my wrist. As I drove along, appreciating the golden-lit wheat fields, the sole of my right foot suddenly twisted in extreme cramp. I panicked. I was driving on a pretty busy road and there was nowhere to pull over. I could feel the adrenaline pumping round my body as thoughts raced through my head. I told myself to carry on- to ignore the unusual sensation and recognise that my foot was still working on the accelerator, so if I could disregard the physical feeling and dampen the whirring adrenaline, my ability to drive wasn’t actually impeded.

I don’t know if this was a flare of multiple sclerosis or something else. But I have noticed a definite link with these physical twinges and feelings of stress and anxiety. Mindfulness helps with anxiety- as the plane rattled with turbulence, I found myself breathing deep into my stomach; and as my arm panged with numbness I breathed into the pain. Breathing exercises can help to reduce pain, and still anxiety so that calmness returns more quickly.

I love mindfulness, but I’ve let myself start thinking of it as something to ease the symptoms, not the cause, of stress and anxiety. When I talk to other people about their use of meditation, yoga and exercise as their preferred method of managing stress, I don’t think I’m alone in this. To truly be happy and balanced, I think you need to address the cause of anxiety. This means going one step further with mindfulness. When I lie in bed trying to sleep, mindful techniques allow me to notice that my jaw is locked tightly together. The awareness helps to relax the muscle, so I don’t wake up with a headache and ground-down teeth. But I am starting to think that the critical step is to recognise why it’s happening in the first place. What subconscious thought is going through my mind which makes me clench my jaw? Once I can identify the cause of the anxiety, hopefully I can do something about it! In that sense, I suppose I should be grateful for the physical symptoms I’m getting – because they are like a very visible warning bell to me – “you’re feeling stressed and it’s creating an unhelpful mix of emotions in your body which is disrupting your physical health”. Without the physical symptoms, perhaps I might be less likely to pay attention to the underlying cause. Either way, whether you experience the physical “warning bell” symptoms or not, feelings of stress and anxiety affect all of us. And I think it’s worth investing time diagnosing the cause and not just the symptoms, in order to reduce anxiety in the longer term. What do you think?

Here's a pic of a 'happy place' we found in the French mountains recently- certainly nothing to cause stress on that afternoon!

Healthy habits

March 2015 marks a year since my vision suddenly turned double in one eye, and this whole saga began. It also marks seven months of my new lifestyle, which has now become my new normal. Whenever I tell people for the first time about my diet (often some poor person responsible for an event’s dietary requirements) the response I hear most often is “what can you eat?!” However, I can honestly say it’s become totally normal to me now, and doesn’t feel like an effort at all. If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be living my life free from gluten, dairy, caffeine and booze – and not even finding it a chore- I would have laughed into my large glass of Sauvignon and plate of cheesy nachos!

So I’ve been reflecting on how I made such a big change. Human beings are capable of change, it’s one of the brilliant things about human nature. However, whilst making a temporary change is relatively easy, sustainable change is much harder. I know this because much of my working life has been about helping people (children when I was teaching, then adults in my work as a consultant) learn and develop by forming new habits. If you want to make a sustained change in your life, you need to pick up new habits that reinforce the change you want to make, and let go of negative habits that are obstacles to the change you want to make. We can help ourselves to do this by making it easier for ourselves to keep going with the new habits, and removing the temptation for old habits. For example, if you’re trying to form a new habit of going to the gym every morning, apparently the easiest way to do this is to sleep in your gym clothes for the first month! This makes it harder for you to turn off the alarm and skip the gym (can’t say I’ve tried this one myselfJ)

Here’s three of my new habits that have made a huge difference to my life:

Breakfast

• Old routine – I used to grab breakfast on the run to the office, and typically it consisted of a large latte and a croissant, or porridge and honey if I was trying to be healthy!
• New routine – Now I always make time to eat breakfast at home, even if I’m up at 5am for an early start in London. I have warm water with lemon (which kick starts the digestive system), followed by Barleylife supplement drink (good for creating an alkaline environment in which disease cannot thrive), followed by either a smoothie or gluten-free toast, marmite and banana. Plus a big glass of water with my various supplements. Doing this means I start the day in a structured manner and on a full stomach, setting me up for a positive day. I also feel pleased with myself that I’ve started the day on a healthy note, and saved the £5 I would otherwise have spent in Pret!

Commuting

• Old routine – I used to live in London on the Victoria line and only had a few stops to my office but it was hellish because the tubes were so crowded. I would attempt to read the Metro whilst crammed up against strangers, and would typically arrive at work feeling grumpier and less energised than when I left home.
• New routine – Now I live in the Essex countryside I have a far longer commute but I spend at least some of it meditating. I time my trains and position on the platform so I get a seat, shut my eyes and do a breathing exercise or body scan exercise. It’s a great use of commuting time, takes my attention away from the crowding and constant announcements of delays (which are well beyond my control so not worth me worrying about) and it means I arrive at work feeling refreshed and energised.

Saturday nights

• Old routine – I used to make the most of London nightlife, and drink / dance the night away. Whereas the rest of the country might spend weekends like this in their 20s, there is something about London which means it’s totally normal for people to being living this way well into their 30s. I loved the social side of it, but hated the hangovers!

• New routine – Now I spend my Saturday nights mostly at home, at the moment occupied by DIY / renovation activities! If I do go on a night out, I’ll be drinking water out of a wine glass (there is something psychologically nicer about that then a pint glass!) and nothing could ever stop me dancing! Giving up booze has been one of the toughest changes for me; not for the alcohol itself but more for the social connotations and handling the way I feel in response to the assumptions people tend to make about someone who doesn’t drink (maybe I’ll write more on that another time). On the positive side, not drinking takes away the temptation to ‘treat’ problems or bad days with booze – it’s taught me to address the problem instead. I definitely feel significantly healthier for a life without drink, and I’m grateful for a good 15 years spent partying hard! Seven months without a hangover is a wonderful feeling J

The next habit I need to try and form is exercise – I feel so much better when I’ve been for a run, but it’s one habit I’ve found hard to make stick! xxx

Wishing you a mindful Christmas!

Weeks are flying past me at the moment as we try to get our new house habitable in any spare time around work. I'm feeling guilty for not having written for so long! I promised to tell you a bit about mindfulness, and actually I think it’s pretty appropriate at such a busy time, because the times in your life when you have no time or focus for mediation are actually the times when it can help you the most. So it seems appropriate to write about it as everyone is rushing around getting ready for Christmas, family visiting or whatever you might be celebrating at this time of year :)

Before this summer I’d heard about mindfulness through my work in leadership development; for some it’s a buzzword for helping people to handle the stress and strains of complex jobs. Whilst some people might write it off as a fad or something for hippies, there is a growing bank of evidence that being mindful improves mental well-being. It’s even used to treat depression and a recent study showed it to be as effective as medication.

So what is it? There are billions of definitions for mindfulness. This is one of my favourites (by James Baraz):

“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding onto it when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”

I've recently finished an eight week course (with the London Mindfulness Project who I’d definitely recommended).  The course was a mixture of theory and practice, with ‘homework’ involving practising different types of mediation and bringing mindfulness into our everyday lives, eating, commuting and communicating. I thought I’d share with you three benefits I've felt. If you are interested perhaps you’ll do a mindfulness course too!

Recognising thinking patterns

One of the most interesting things we did together was becoming aware of our thinking patterns. Rather than just letting ourselves think about random stuff as we go about our day, we started to be aware of what those thoughts were and labelling them to ourselves. “Now I am worrying about the future (everything I need to do at work); now I am blaming myself for something in the past (I wish I hadn't said that); now I am getting stressed about things I can’t change (my train is late again and there are so many people at this station).” Becoming aware of my thinking made me realise two things- firstly I think about a lot of random stuff! And secondly, I have a pattern of thinking about possible disaster scenarios that will probably never happen ("what if all those cars fall off the back of that lorry?") Mindfulness is great because it teaches you to be kind to yourself when you’re recognising all of this, so it’s not a matter of a voice in your head telling you how stupid you are for thinking like this. Instead, it’s a comfort to be able to tell yourself “it’s ok, it’s just me thinking about random disasters that aren't actually going to happen again!” Since being aware of it, I've found I can be much more focused with my thoughts and therefore more efficient in my thinking. It’s also a very calming experience to allow yourself not to over-worry about the past or the future.

Appreciating right now

Another aspect of mindfulness is its focus on this moment, right now. I hadn't appreciated just how much time I spend thinking about the past and the future, whilst just living on ‘auto pilot’ and not appreciating the present moment. One of the loveliest things we did on the mindfulness course was walking through Regent’s Park in London, just spending time in the present moment. I lived in London nine years and I've been to the park many times but I've never experienced it like I did that day! This will probably sound very hippyish to those of you who aren't mindfulness converts, but I was amazed how much I enjoyed spending a couple of hours just walking around the park, taking in the plants, the trees, watching the squirrels, listening to the sounds and noticing the smell of the air. I didn't think about what I needed to do later, or think about the past; I just lived in the present moment. It was such a calming and pleasant experience. I can really see how doing this can help improve mental well-being because there is so much to appreciate and enjoy in the present moment. Although doing it for two hours is a bit unrealistic in everyday life, this is something you can easily do for five or ten minutes as you walk anywhere (it doesn't have to be a beautiful park!)

SOS breathing exercises

Many people who do mindfulness do so to help them with mental or physical health problems (although it really does have benefits for everyone). I learnt many breathing exercises and mediation exercises but one of the simplest was a three minute “SOS” breathing exercise. This one is for use when you’re suffering from physical pain, or when you feel yourself getting stressed, or even to prepare yourself for a challenging situation (like a tough meeting at work). The exercise can be done anywhere; I've done it many times on an over-packed tube train! It is in three parts. Firstly, be aware of how your body is “grounded” – e.g. your feet grounded to the floor, or your back and legs against a bed if you’re lying down. Notice how your body feels right now; is it tense, relaxed, energised? You don't need to try and change it, just be aware of how it is. Secondly, bring your attention to your breath as it enters your nose. Just notice how it goes in and out; be aware of the temperature of the air, how it feels, how it sounds. Focusing on your breath really gets you thinking about this moment right now. Thirdly, imagine that each breath you take is filling your whole body to the tips of your toes and fingers. It’s amazing how relaxing this feels - especially if you've tired your mind out by worrying about something endlessly. The whole thing should only take a few minutes, but can take longer if you like. No one even needs to know you're doing it. Apparently doing an exercise like this actually activates the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, which reverses the effect of the sympathetic nervous system (our fight or flight response that makes us feel anxious).

I hope that's got you thinking about the benefits of letting your mind take regular breaks (however short!) at this busy time of year. You'll feel happier for it, you'll likely make better decisions and cope better with life's stresses, and your body will be healthier too. Wishing you all a relaxing and happy Christmas! xxx

Let's talk about stress

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote, because Nick and I have been busy moving out of London and getting ready to move into our new house in the Essex countryside. This is a really exciting move for us, but it certainly hasn't been without it stresses - and it's far from over!

I wanted to write about stress because it affects everyone and yet we talk about it so little. I feel that maybe we think admitting our stress is tantamount to admitting weakness. In my day job working in leadership development we use the term "resilience" to be a positive characteristic of a leader; meaning someone who can handle highly stressed situations and easily bounce back from setbacks. In fact, I've been called resilient in the past, by bosses who've been grateful that I've kept going and made a success of high pressure projects etc. But just because we might be able to hide our stress and anxiety (at least in some situations and from some people!), doesn't mean we're not feeling it, and doesn't mean it's not adversely affecting our health.

I don't profess to be an expert on stress, but it's something I've become more and more aware of since I became ill earlier this year. I've written before about the anxiety attacks I suffered when I first started to experience autoimmune symptoms. Other than Nick, I hadn't told anyone about the anxiety attacks (until I started telling the world via this blog!) Why didn't I tell anyone? Whilst I was comfortable discussing my physical symptoms (that I had double vision for example) I didn't want to disclose my emotional symptoms. On reflection, I think there was an element of shame and embarrassment. That somehow, I was causing the anxiety attacks myself and that admitting that would cause people to view me differently, as 'weak' perhaps or lacking in resilience. Even whilst I write this, I am fighting that fear that you will form a different opinion of me as a result of this admission.

Big things like break-ups of relationships and bereavement cause stress and I think we're somehow more ok with that, but I think there is little recognition that small things in everyday life and our thoughts about the past or future can also build up stress and anxiety over time. Perhaps we feel less comfortable admitting that we're stressed out over the smaller stuff?

I wanted to write this post to start a conversation about stress and anxiety. Why are we so uncomfortable talking about it? A friend and I had this conversation the other day and we wondered whether there is a cultural element to it; the British "stiff upper lip" that stops us from talking about our feelings. I felt very alone (even though I wasn't alone) when I was having anxiety attacks, because I didn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling. It's ok to admit it; and I'd bet that once you do, you'll find out that people all around you are having or have had similar experiences.

The positive thing about talking about stress and anxiety is that's a good step towards getting beyond those feelings. In response to recognising I was experiencing stress and anxiety, I signed up for a mindfulness course with the friend I mentioned earlier. I've found mindful meditation really helps manage stress 'in the moment' and also helps to build up greater barriers against becoming anxious in the first place. I've also told myself that doing something positive like learning about mindfulness is a sign of personal strength, not of weakness. I'm a better person as a result of what I've learned and it's a more effective approach than burying my head in the sand and hoping it will all pass! I'll write another post to tell you more about mindfulness if you are interested; I would definitely recommend it.

Love A xx

"Healthy" means healthy & An Autumnal Marrow

I've mentioned before that my diet was never been that bad, at least not like the fast-food, mountains of junk you see some people eating on Supersize & Superskinny! However, whenever I've made an effort to "eat healthy" in the past, what I've really meant is "eat to loose a couple of pounds before bikini season"! In fact, there wasn't much healthy about my "healthy" attempts. Generally these involved a bit of cutting back on wine, maybe carbs, maybe chocolate (a bit healthier I suppose) probably skipping the odd meal (not very healthy) but not necessarily eating anything healthier than before (i.e. still surviving mainly on pasta and cheese!)

What's great about my new "healthy eating" is that it's actually healthy! I've got a much better understanding of the science of food and the body. I'm making a conscious effort to avoid the foods that I think might do me harm, but I'm also pro-actively eating more of the foods that I think will do more good. It's been ten weeks on this new way of eating, and not only are my autoimmune symptoms vastly improved, I've got much more energy, my skin is totally clear, the condition of my nails and hair are enhanced - and there is an added bonus that despite my not holding back at all and eating tons of this delicious new food, I've not put on any weight (in fact I lost a few pounds)! My relationship with food has vastly improved. Eating used to be something I did because I was hungry and in a hurry, because I was socialising, because I was stressed, or if I'm honest sometimes just because I was bored. Until very recently, I never saw food as something that could transform my physical and emotional health.

I no longer feel guilty about eating because now I know everything I'm putting in my body is doing me good, whilst tasting good too. It may sound like an overstatement, but this really has been a significant change of mindset for me! I'm now a total healthy food bore, happy to tell anyone about the benefits of eating this way :)

Anyway, some people have mentioned that they'd be interested in me sharing some recipes, so here's a genuinely "healthy" autumn-appropriate stuffed marrow for you to enjoy!


An Autumnal Marrow

I'm trying to eat as much organic food as possible, to minimise my intake of pesticides and chemicals. Of course I've always known the benefits of organic, but now I'm actually putting the knowledge into practice and spending a bit more on my veg shopping! So, when veg comes free thanks to being homegrown and kindly donated, I'm jumping at the chance to make the most of it (which is how this marrow recipe came about- I found the marrow with with a "please take one" note in a church foyer left by a mystery gardening church-goer, and the shallots were a gift from my uncle's vegetable patch).

I was also really keen to incorporate turmeric into this recipe. I've been reading about turmeric's anti-inflammatory properties, making it a great one for MS and other autoimmune conditions. Green veggies are also great, both as anti-inflammatories, and also because they are naturally alkaline. There are multiple articles about alkaline diet being necessary for the body to heal itself (which is also one of the reasons I'm minimising my meat intake) see Honestly Healthy for more info.

Ingredients (serves two big portions)

• Marrow
• Coconut oil (two big dessert spoonfulls)
• Rice (one cup)
• Chilli flakes (optional)
• Ground cinnamon (a teaspoon)
• Turmeric root (an inch)
• Ginger root (an inch)
• Onions and /or shallots (3-4 onions or more shallots)
• Carrots (two)
• Chestnut mushrooms (five or six)
• Cashew nuts (a handful)
• Raisins (half a handful)
• Himalayan pink salt (apparently the purest salt, rich in minerals)
• Black pepper

Recipe

• Pre-heat the oven to 170 C.
• Wash the marrow; and cut in half, scoop out the middle and discard. Pop both halves in the oven on a foil lined baking tray.
• Chop the turmeric (watch out, it will make your fingers yellow!) and the ginger. 
• Wash the rice and put in a pan with water. Add the turmeric, ginger and cinnamon to the rice water and put the lid on. Boil the rice for the time stated on the packet.
• Meanwhile, chop the onions / shallots and sauté in coconut oil (a superfood in itself and much healthier when heated than olive oil due to its more robust nature). Add some chilli flakes if you like.
• Chop the chestnut mushrooms and add them to the onions / shallots.
• Chop the carrots; add them into the pan with the mushrooms and onions / shallots. Stir and sauté for five minutes or so.
• Once the rice is done, stir into the vegetable mix and add the cashews and raisins. The colour of everything should be a beautiful golden yellow. Season with Himalayan pink salt and black pepper.
• Remove the marrow from the oven (the marrow flesh should now be soft if you put a fork in it). Stuff the marrow with the rice and return to the oven for five-ten minutes so the rice on the top goes a little crispy.

The result was delicious and very "in season"! I had quite a bit of rice left over, which made a delicious lunch the next day, served with avocado (full of brilliantly healthy fats that I would have avoided in my old diet for fear of getting fat- but now I LOVE it!)